A Blue escape from confinement (幽閉からの蒼い逃走)

Blue awakeningOne month after I moved out of my old unit, my shipment arrived at my home in Japan.  It should have stirred emotions in me, but no.  It did not even feel like I had ever lived in Sydney.  If anything, there was a quiet sense of relief and loss.  I had to concede that my years in Sydney was a confinement, not a life. 

To think I once fell in love with Australia’s sun and looked for a tiny humble abode. My readers may remember that I was framed by Australian neighbours, who were old enough to be my parents, so badly that I ended up with an unsellable unit.  I got stuck there.  I tried to make the best of it but each time I flew back to Sydney from my occasional visits to my parents’ in Japan, I would fall in deep depression during the flight.  Thanks to the bright sunshine which lifted me out of darkness once I had landed in Sydney.  I thought everything was fine…but not on my subconscious level.

I was not aware what prompted me to write about a Prince whose soul was confined for centuries as the result of his friend’s betrayal.  Of course it was about my situation, but don’t we all pretend to ignore a situation when it is unbearable to confront?  I could not bring myself to socialize with people because my senses were switched off.  I would not even pursue the faint admiration I felt for this Gentleman from Sydney.  However, I typed, hoping against hope, the phrase ‘Greed had Prince trapped, but it was also human greed that would free Prince from his confinement.’  In less than two years it came true for me.  How cannot I believe in the power of written words?

My blog readers would know that thanks to the rich Chinese’s buying power, a property bubble of a size that was last seen 50 years ago has happened.  Even my unsellable unit was finally unloaded from my shoulders.  I did not make much profit because those Australian neighbours had crippled my unit so badly that theirs would increase in value.  Still I was grateful for not ending up in red. However, there is no replacing the time wasted during the confinement.    That part contributed to my sense of loss.  

I remember taking a ferry across to Circular Quay at night on my way to the airport.  In the dark water a dungeon Denison looms as lit up.  It used to confine the criminals exiled from England.  They were forever trapped in the distant continent far from home, branded.  You can almost hear their despair murmuring on the dark waves.  Little did I suspect when I first arrived in Sydney as a tourist years and years ago that a similar fate would befall me.   Worst because a piece of my heart was still trapped in Sydney Harbour.  

Before I moved on, I had to know why the Gentleman from Sydney turned cold only a few days after expressing his feelings for me, well at least some feelings.  I think it was due to racism, but I had to be sure.  And yes, I had to see him.  With the awakening of my senses I was missing him badly.  Fortunately we had one mutual acquaintance and let him know that I was coming back to Australia to close my bank accounts, superannuation etc.  To my surprise and relief he agreed to meet me alone.  

For the first time in many years I flew back to Sydney without falling into depression, but I carefully steered clear away from the Eastern suburbs lest the curse should suck me back in again.  I took a roundabout route across the Western suburbs to reach the city.  I slipped into a tastefully seductive dress I had bought years ago in Paris.  Thank God it still fits.    I untied my hair and curled it.  The high-heeled shoes, again the first time after manhy years, were killing me, but it added the desired effect.  All this hit the Gentleman from Sydney at once at the restaurant.  

He had always praised my personality, but for the first time he complimented my appearance.  I was nearly swept off my feet, but I must have the explanation of his behavior.  It took a while, but he finally mentioned his relatives who still do not buy Japanese made products because of the War, or more precisely the unprovoked attack on Australia by the Japanese Army.  I understood that there could never be anything between us and that I should be grateful for whatever friendship we may have.  I have once written that one virtue I praise in the Australians is their maturity in accusing people for only the crimes that they committed, no more.  The Australians have largely recognized the good deeds the Japanese have done as well.  Thus I came here a long time ago in hope to build a life and make friends. 

Ironically, there may be some good in the persistent Japanese bashing by some Asian nations.  I know better than invest my emotions into relationships with any man of those anti-Japanese nations because it would most likely fail in the end.  Consequently, my heart has been spared from being stirred by Asian men while I left my heart open to this Gentleman from Sydney.  More than ever I regretted spending years in Sydney where I saw so many broken dreams.

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